How to make healthy habits easier

One of the better, if not best, books out there on general life advice is Atomic Habits by James Clear. If you haven’t read it, please go ahead and do. It is a celebrated book that has sold more than 20 million copies worldwide. It definitely is geared towards neurotypicals, and a lot of its advice would not help neurodivergent folk. But we can definitely get to the core learnings and extract some useful insights. 

The author bases the whole premise of this book on some assumptions that clearly stem from a neurotypical brain. For example, it starts from the premise that we have ingrained automatic behaviors that we do unconsciously and how these behaviors might not be beneficial for us. Take this quote for example “The upside of habits is that we can do things without thinking.” (Chapter 20)

However, after reading this and analyzing my routines, I realized I don’t have automatic processes. I don’t have routines that I don’t have to think about. I think about  everything. I need to think about every step I need to make to get ready in the morning, for example. I even need to remember to eat.

Another one of James Clear’s recommendations to foster good habits is to join groups where behaviors are celebrated.

One of the most effective things you can do to build better habits is to join a culture where (1) your desired behavior is the normal behavior and (2) you already have something in common with the group. The normal behavior of the tribe often overpowers the desired behavior of the individual. Most days, we’d rather be wrong with the crowd than be right by ourselves.” (Chapter 9)

Putting this aside, let’s talk about the teachings that I feel do apply to neurodivergent people, and let’s expand on them.

Become aware of negative habits/things you do and find the underlying cause

What are the things that you wish to change about your habits or way of life? Maybe you eat too little or too much. Maybe you want to become more active yet can’t find any energy to do so. That’s ok. The first step is always accepting that we have something we want to change.

Notice the behavior you want to change. When does it happen? How does it make you feel? Why do you think it’s happening? Maybe you bite your nails because you’re too anxious. Maybe you avoid trying foods because you are afraid that you’ll try something you won’t like. The point is to understand the root cause so that you can change it, rather than changing the symptom or, in this case, the visible behavior.

Decide what you want to do about it and take action – leave planning for later.

First, make sure that the habit you want to form goes hand in hand with your strengths, personality, and energy levels. For example, if your goal is to exercise more, maybe you don’t have enough energy to do a CrossFit class, but you can dance to one of your favorite artist’s songs. 

Second, take action. Sometimes we want to do things perfectly; we want to be great from the get go. That means we’ll waste time planning and thinking about what we want to do instead of actually doing it. When I decided I wanted to start this blog I kept researching different things, like names, themes, and social media inspirations. For a while I kept “doing” things related to the blog but didn’t have anything to show for it. After listening to Atomic Habits I decided to just sit and write the ideas I had. Just start. You can adjust your intensity and your direction once you’ve started.

One amazing quote that summarizes this idea perfectly, and I believe the most inspiring quote from this book, reads: “You can’t improve a habit that doesn’t exist.” (Chapter 13) Create good habits, even if they’re not perfect. Then, you can optimize them.

A lot of the times changing is hard because we’re so used to doing things in one way and because when we “try” to change we don’t get the outcome we deserve. “I tried exercising and it didn’t work for me” someone said after quitting 2 weeks in. But the consistency you create will help you prove to yourself that your goals are achievable, simply because you are already doing them. All you have to do now is expand them and organize them.

Start small, grow exponentially

If you’re struggling with starting new habits, don’t fret. It happens to everyone. It is not easy to change your life out of the blue and hope that the changes stick. For this, James Clear shares two essential rules to guide us: the 2-minute rule and the 1% improvement rule. 

Most of the time when deciding to create good habits, we focus on the big picture: “I want to be an amazing guitar player”, “I want to travel the world”, “I want to make new friends”, or “I want to be more independent”. Instead of focusing on the end results we need to focus on what we can change now to get to where we want, and start there.

Once we know where we’re starting from and where, we can break down our goal into more attainable, shorter steps. Don’t take overwhelming tasks that will only make it more difficult for yourself. Take two minutes every day to practice your new habit and improve a little bit (1%). The 2-minute rule helps our brain not feel overwhelmed by the size of the task.

But I have learned that the 2 minute rule helps stop the neurodivergent paralysis I get when I want to start something and I don’t know how to go at it. It also helps calm down the overwhelming sensation of having a whole project laid out in front of you, or not having enough time to do it. You don’t need to dedicate your whole afternoon to it; It is just 2 minutes. And, if you want to continue the activity after 2 minutes, you certainly can. Now the full glorious quote from before:

“When you start a new habit, it should take less than two minutes to do. Standardize before you optimize. You can’t improve a habit that doesn’t exist.” (Chapter 13)

The idea is to start creating the habit in your mind, reading everyday for 2 minutes, exercising every day, being mindful everyday. Once you’re familiar and comfortable with the new habit, you can start expanding it.

Habit stacking and the help of technology

Let’s say you have started a new habit but it’s becoming difficult to continue going at it. You forget about it, you’re tired, you don’t know how to make it stick. One of the best ideas is to habit stack. In other words, attach your new habit to something that you already do. For example, I wanted to start a skincare routine, so I decided to keep all of my skincare products by the sink. That way, after I shower, I can just head to the sink and clean my face and put on the lotions, masks, etc. 

If you want to remember to take your vitamins, maybe you can put them in the middle of the kitchen counter and take them when you make your meal. If you want to meditate, you can take 5 minutes right after you gent into your bed. And so on.

I decided to exercise using a static bike. That way I am sitting kinda comfortably, while still exercising. On top of this, I watch an episode of a TV series I’m currently watching. Instead of watching the episode while lying in my bed, I watch it while sitting in the bike. Two birds, one stone.

One thing that has helped me more than I thought it would, is the use of technology. Use reminders for everything and be consistent in keeping them. I know what you’re thinking. You don’t see them after a while or I see them but I don’t grasp the idea that I actually have to do something. I hear you, that has happened to me before. That’s why besides reminders, I also use a habit tracker. You simply put a mark on the days you complete the habit. It helps you keep track of the days you’re actually following through. And in my case it also motivates me because I don’t want to leave so many empty spots. Remember, it is just 2 minutes and you earn your badge for the day. It’s basically free dopamine.

Reward yourself for a job well done

“The Cardinal Rule of Behavior Change: What is immediately rewarded is repeated. What is immediately punished is avoided. To get a habit to stick you need to feel immediately successful—even if it’s in a small way.” (Chapter 15)

Especially now with social media, fast food restaurants and fast fashion, we have been acostumed to receiving immediate gratification and emotional rewards. To make a habit stick, you need to play that fast-rewards game. Reward yourself in small ways after completing a task. Just take care to not undo what you’re trying to accomplish. If you want to lose weight don’t reward yourself with a piece of cake and ice cream. 

A reward can simply be filling your habit tracker and getting another day filled. If you want to save to travel the world, your reward for not overindulging in expensive sneakers can be to put that money aside in a savings account. After exercising maybe you take a nice shower or bath and relax a little by playing video games. The reward doesn’t even need to be related to the habit.

Beware the halfway point

You might feel like you’ve done enough progresss and trust yourself a cheat day. And that just spirals and worsens. And you lose part of your progress. That’s ok. Change takes time. Be gracious With yourself. You’re better today that you were last month and that is wonderful.

I leave you with another amazing quote from this book:

“Many people begin the process of changing their habits by focusing on what they want to achieve. This leads us to outcome-based habits. The alternative is to build identity-based habits. With this approach, we start by focusing on who we wish to become. […] True behavior change is identity change. You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you’ll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity. Anyone can convince themselves to visit the gym or eat healthy once or twice, but if you don’t shift the belief behind the behavior, then it is hard to stick with long-term changes. ” 

For more details and a better understanding of how habits work, you can go ahead and read Atomic Habits by James Clear.